Karma Settles It

A few days ago I was bumming out about a lost friend. This person swept into my life quite suddenly and left just as fast, without explanation. This left me feeling a little lost and a bit confused once I learned what was actually happening.

I got stuck in a huge circle of whys, without answers. And it just kept going.

I was feeling pretty bad, but trying to see the whole picture and working on moving past the hurt feelings and on to what is happening now. Focusing on the moment of now and the simple act of being present.

This was all putting me off a little, spending a bit too much time inside my head and not enough of actually paying attention. So to clear my thoughts and enjoy an afternoon free from work I headed out on a quick ride to a park. I sat and read for a while, but when the air got a little chilly and the sun was getting low I figured I should head home. And as I rode along my mind continued to drift and my focus was somewhere far away as I attempted to turn on my front light. This wasn't a good idea and I realized that it probably wasn't good that at the same time I was also braking, the front brake.

I lost it in the middle of a street crowded with rush hour drivers. I gathered myself and bike out of the road and made for the sidewalk to silently curse and catch my breath, checking to see if my throbbing elbow would need medical attention. It probably didn't.

I stood there lost and angry.

I was out of sorts completely. I tried to calm my shaking nerves and racing heart. I found my glasses had also broken when I fell, I had another pair at home though. What a stupid mistake. How did I end up in such a mess.

Then a stranger walked out to me and asked if I was okay. It was really nice to have someone reach out and see if I needed any help. I assured him I would be fine and began to pick up and make my home. As we parted he handed me a card and suggested I check out his music some time. This took me out of the whole accident and made me smile. Life, after all, is made up of these interactions and unexpected paths crossing. As I walked I looked closer at the card and saw the work 'optimist' listed along with a few other descriptives and an address.

OPTIMIST

Suddenly the entire universe was playing a trick and I had to smile again, laughing out loud. It was like a spiritual swift kick to the head. Everything that had been knocked out of place and bothering me quickly took to their proper alignments and my mind cleared. I became certain once more and grateful for such seeming cosmic intervention.

Something important had happened and made everything a little more clear. 

There will always be new friends and new lessons, some may stay around for some time and others are just here overnight. They enter into our dreams and leave us in the morning with only a small remembrance of what it was to experience their presence. Live every day open to these experiences and the adventures that await because of them.

As I walked home that evening the sunset was amazing.

A Day of Action

We gathered a few weeks ago to show support for each other. We gathered so that our voices would carry, even downtown. Together we stood in a park and let the action of this gathering carry a movement, a moment where there was still more hope to come. California voted in Proposition 8, but there was still time to show up for the other side. The nation stood together that day and our voices carried through the streets. 

Many times I've heard how proud we are to be a part of the United States now that we have voted in a new President and actual change to our government. Perhaps pride is not the answer, maybe it's something a little different. This feeling, inside, may not be pride, but a feeling of empowerment. The voices of dissent have been quieted and moved to the sidelines for the past few years. We have been herded into free speech zones and arrested illegally for taking part in our government, silenced and ignored by he media. They were afraid to show what democracy looks like and what it means to be governed by the people.

This is the beginning of something new, for many who have never felt the need to throw their fists into the air and yell out for justice. Some of those that have come out for equal rights in these days following Obama's election have never shut down traffic and blocked an intersection to hold a rally as part of a National Day of Protest. The streets are ours, our voices ring out, and the whole world is watching... again. Its time to be proud, but it's also time to take action. The Presidential election was a point of ignition, a fire has been started and we need to seize this opportunity and ride the wave. We can let it take us pretty far if we paddle out hard enough, together.

I was proud to share a moment, a movement, with all my friends. Proud enough to keep up the fight and unite with voices raised in a joyous chorus.

Sing. Sing out.

Our Concept of Time

Does time stretch out when we are waiting, when our heart is waiting?

This week seems like the longest time. The days are just going on and on, even though the sun sets all too soon. Every day feels like the wrong day, simply not far enough along in time for my liking. Today should definitely be Friday, every day feels that way. 

Perhaps I'm just missing the weekend, days spent outside and in the breeze. Days that I can enjoy sleeping in and doing nothing at all.  Was there something I missed out on? Was there something I just didn't have the time to do, or at least remember to do? Am I really missing those days and looking forward so longingly that I have slowed time?

Or maybe it is my heart. Looking into the future with a longing glance. Is that enough to change my perspective of the passage and progress of everyday?

Maybe.

But, how is it still only Wednesday? 

My heart is such a trickster, laughing and dancing through the woods with music swirling to weave a web. It sounds like such fun! I'll have to wait it out and try to avoid all the silliness swimming through my head or else I might lose myself. Leaving the mischief to the others, I'll try to keep my head.

And tomorrow is merely Thursday. 

Maybe all this means is that I'll have time to read more and write a little. Suddenly this time is a gift to be used with unexpected excitement. Enough to make me forget what it was I was waiting for.

Who it was...

A Day and A Life

Yesterday I took a walk to run some errands and enjoy the beautiful fall day. The rain and darkness can get you down, or at least it gets old. The weather was warm and there was a wind the was tunneling through the buildings downtown. I was sweating a bit, I could have gone without the vest as my sweater was enough. But the day was perfect, a nice time to check out the water and look out to the bay which my city sits on. It's a nice time to clear my mind and realize the universe and everything. To actually visualize the little ball on which we sit zooming through space, our quaint ever-expanding galaxy with the sun and the moon keeping it all in check. It's a nice place to lose yourself and come back to after a bit of inner-self exploration. Because if you're one of the lucky ones that walk this earth truly awake you are in a constant state of amazement. And that sounds pretty cool, a little like jazz out in the open air.

Although I wanted to check on the water I decided to call my sister and hangout with her instead. After catching up and sharing my day we parted ways, she was off to a birthday party and I needed to go home to maybe catch some zzzzzzz's, it had been a long week with long nights and little sleep due to early mornings as usual. I walked back through downtown toward my home, the streets were wearing new clothes and there was a new beat driving the traffic to club doors and happenings all around. Hot dog venders taking advantage of the evenings revelers, some already too drunk for their too high well-heeled feet. I felt out of place in my day clothes - keep it tight! - there was a commonness about me that followed until reaching the business district. 

As I headed into my neighborhood I saw a gentleman in suit and tie loose his footing in this world, his feet literally sliding out from under him as he stood and then tried to regain his grasp of uprightness. The struggle continued until he was on hands and knees bending toward the ground as if in prayer. And as quickly as we had noticed he was up and moving away with an embarrassed look taking root. So we watched him more, maybe he was dealing with a demon larger than anyone of us could imagine. With this image still fading I walked on to overhear some passing strangers commenting on Charlie and The Chocolate factory, the crazy song sung while in the nightmarish tunnel - something about dreaming. In the background the dance studio across the street could be heard playing Salsa, couples walking toward me carrying their dance shoes.

The streets were alive, but I was looking forward to going home to maybe watch a movie and drink some tea. The day had been full, a nice slice of what is out beyond my courtyard. Now I was ready to settle in for my own time alone. But I wasn't alone. As I was stretching out for the evening a spider as big as my hand crawled out from some hidden corner to scare me into letting out a pointed yell. At this sound the creature stood still feeling out the situation, I debated leaving it to it's own. Then I remembered that leaving it to live in my house could lead to a spider bite later, so I threw a shoe at it. I missed the first time, but killed it the second time. I felt bad about it and really scared to go near it, so I didn't clean it up right away and went to bed with it's body still lying crumpled in the middle of the floor. I chose to just ignore it and worry another day about this life and its death. 

Three little birds...

On election night I cooked dinner and listened to the radio as the polls closed. I was tired; I had worked a little late and volunteered as is the usual for a Tuesday night. There were election parties around town that sounded fun, but I just wasn't sure if I had the energy to rally and go out to celebrate. We were winning though and it was exciting to listen with my roommate as polls closed on the West Coast and our new president-elect was announced. 

My roommate headed out for a drink with friends and I tagged along, just one and then to bed. Instead of a bar we ran into a party on the street, a crush of people walking from every direction to stop traffic at an intersection and celebrate with rest of the world. It was pure joy and elation, cries and shuts erupting with signs and flags waving. We did it, we won. The cops were there to keep it all contained, but they took a hands-off approach. Letting us celebrate, drinking openly and climbing atop anything and everything. We felt a sense of unity and pride that night, everywhere the same thing was happening - Hope and Change.

While we were dancing in the streets participating in democracy and group sings of the national anthem California passed Prop 8. There it was on a friend's iPhone, there is still more that needs to be changed and something we all must work harder for. The news put a different spin on the night, but it just means it isn't over. More is already being done, there's still hope and a promise for change. Boycott Utah, attend a rally, and let your friends and family in California know why supporting gay marriage is right.

For now I'll enjoy the crisp fall weather we have today, the flooding rains seem to be taking a break for the weekend. I still can't quite believe what our future looks like. Every news item I've been reading lately leads me to feeling so proud and excited. We have a president-elect that can string together sentences and will give press conferences with actual answers. For now I'll just sit back and let it all sink in because it's gonna be a long one. The easy part is over, now the actual work begins. And we'll do it together, every thing's gonna be alright.

Something Different

Is this really any different than what I've always done? The only difference now is that I'm making it available to others, sort of. So here it will be, a public outpouring of something that I have always kept so quiet and hidden. Something different, but still the same. Writing it all down as so many have encouraged before, demanding promises, and looking forward to the day that it all makes sense enough for me to actually do it. And what better time than this holiday set aside for the dead, our departed loved ones and long ago ancestors. The ones have given me all that I am and set in motion this strange trip and wonderful meanderings that lead to such good stories.

I spent last night running the streets with a few lovely characters, laughing and yelling to scare the wandering spirits. There was dancing and sharing of cigarettes with the usual ramblings and vague allusions of genius. It was a welcome distraction of frivolity and a touch of mayhem, with huddles and team building. Sometimes our voices were lost in the rapture of music and laughter; floating in the air and never reaching the ears we intended. All this exploding in excitement and pure joy, this is a holiday after all. It was nice to let the other worries fall to the floor like so much glitter and feathers while dancing away the night. There has been so much to worry about for the past few months.

During the early hours of dinner and preparation for going out last night there erupted a loud and pointed knock, hanging in the air for a mere moment or two before evaporating. When I had nearly forgotten it though a flash of memory brought me back to the present. I went, to present myself to two figures dressed in alter egos and I felt distracted and almost invited them in before asking with a questioning hello what it was they wanted. We had no candy to give, so perhaps a trick would have to be produced rather hastily. But no, it was merely door-to-door politicalization. Even on this night meant for other worlds and those who inhabit them we must not forget this world and the change that will come in a few short days. And how short they are now that the northern hemisphere is a little farther away from the sun. But I am hopeful of what will come and while I wait I send a positive vibration from within to the world without. Be the change you hope to see and all that, with a great jazz beat in the back.