DADT Repeal

As we get closer to the reapeal of a policy that is destructive on a personal level as well as organizational I found a letter from a soldier posted on Jezebel.

www.jezebel.com/5713948/a-gay-soldiers-letter-before-leaving-for-afghanistan

It's a good reminder of who this policy affects and what it would mean to repeal it. The arguments that repeal DADT will weaken our military endeavors at this specific time are only arguments for continued discrimination. What are we afraid of?

The Pledge

The Pledge of Alliance has been something I've opted out of for a long time. I don't remember when I made the choice though, over the course of time I came to the understanding that I would rather not say the pledge when our government does so much I don't agree with. Traveling in the Middle East and seeing how beautiful the Mediterranean is and the calm of Wadi Rum I can't imagine finding a way to make an enemy with someone I have not yet met, including residents of my own country.

Equality is a right we should all work toward, in both our domestic and military endeavors. How can we still treat people as though they are second class or determine they are less qualified for a job, any job, based on arbitrary conditions such as gender or sexual orientation. Maybe someday I'll say the pledge again and feel proud of a country that works toward making this a better place and lifting up its citizens instead of holding back any who don't fit a mold that few ever could. Maybe someday I'll travel abroad and meet people who are interested in what I have to say without prefacing everything with the fact that I don't support what my government is doing, though that statement reaches beyond the issues of equality and will take a bit of time. I'm afraid it will take too much time, but maybe once we stop discrimination within our own borders we will be free to make bigger changes in other aspects of our policy.

Some argue that repealing "don't ask, don't tell" will take focus away from the real important issues of security and our defence budget, though how can we clearly approach these issues when our collective vision is clouded by discriminatory policies that make it nearly impossible to carry out goals of peace-keeping and stabilisation. We've made a mess of Afghanistan and Iraq and our responsibility to those countries is to bring safety and structure to help rebuild and make a better future. Improving our public policy and ensuring equality within our military will help clear the way for implementing these plans, which already face enough hurdles without including an archaic homophobic policy. Obviously, there are those who see repealing DADT as a way to move toward peace, others seeing it a way to waste time and resources before tackling real and present dangers.

The house passed the repeal. Now it is onto the Senate to continue to be passed into legislation, if this is done quickly we will have enough time to make considerate and thoughtful changes in the Department of Defense policy. It would be a more responsible way of making these changes instead of the possible abrupt changes that would come from a court ruling later on. Making it through the House was a great victory regardless of what comes from the Senate debates. Already it has been shown this is not just Democrats fighting for a ridiculous liberal agenda for a change in policy to waste time and money, Republican representatives have also joined in. This thought and ideology needs to be conveyed in the Senate as well in order for the repeal to be passed, hopefully this legislation will move forward with little resistance.

It makes me wonder what more will change, how quickly my pride might return for a country I have lost faith in. One day I may say the pledge again and hope others will feel the same.

Reading the Furture

I like to re-read many of the fiction books I own, a few non-fiction too because you can never read too much from Eduardo Galeano. Sometimes one needs a little reminder of the realness of the struggle in order to continue moving forward, despite how difficult the future may seem I know others have been on this same path and feel the same highs and lows. The fiction works that keep my interest the most are the stories of fantasy based in history and political theory, what I love most. Even though these stories are based in the past and written long ago, the lessons and meaning stay the same. We are all fighting still for what is right and facing the same threat and the same violence all these years later.

I started re-reading a book told during the time of Pancho Villa and the Mexican Revolution, a love story clearly. The idea of love is explored and the immense power it holds over us, the great force it creates and the energy that is released when two people share an indescribable bond. The protagonist loves someone that she cannot be with, he marries her sister to be nearer to her. This works out pretty bad as anyone might imagine, but that was the only way the young man thought it possible. Later in life they reach an agreement, the two lovers and her sister live together keeping their trysts secret and making sure all seems well publicly. Love is tricky though and jealousies are easy to cultivate when the truth is hidden or distance forces us to be apart from the one we love. It's a force not easily contained and when you try it will always find a way, forcing and pushing and causing whatever damage it may. I'm reminded of a poet that wrote the greatest love poems of all time and his letters to a woman he loved. To be that woman and feel the emotion he wrote with and the expression of his love for her would be amazing. They spent a lot of time apart though and in their letters along with their love and longing, jealousy also betrayed their young hearts. He died and she mourned for an eternity until she made an effort to live and got married and had some kids, but she had a past life filled with passion and heartache. Heartache both from the distance between them and his early death as well as from the great love they shared. As if the actual act of finding their bond was something caused just as much pain as being separated, I guess you could say that makes me a hopeless romantic.

I was feeling uncertain about my own romantic future and did a tarot reading, it came out a little surprising and though there was a lot of "devastation" alluded to I think it'll be fun regardless. Life is painful after all and the scars are the most interesting part, love included. If my life didn't have some adventure in store I would be worried. I'm still a bit down and uncertain about the way things might go, because it is all still unwritten despite my peak into the future. I'll continue to read my books and find myself in the characters as they fall in and out of love in the time of cholera and other revolutions.

Re-building

The holidays are coming up, or rather, they are here. I guess thanksgiving already happened so all the other holidays are here too. And Hanukkah is, like, now...

A few years ago I visited my sister for Christmas and she was planning a house-warming holiday party and was trying to finish the gingerbread house she had made. The walls were up and the foundation seemed solid enough for what could be done with sugar, but the details were missing and the festive decorations that make a standard box a unique home to live and share memories in. Much like her own home, she had just finished remodeling it and put the final coat of paint on the walls just before I arrived, she was busy hanging pictures and placing finishing touches just before the party. Her house was built and ready to be filled with memories, plus she had a great canyon view.

I suggested leaving the gingerbread house unfinished, guests could decorate it at the party. It would be fun! We laughed at the idea of people toppling over it after a few glasses of wine and making the house more of a mess than "festive", so we worked on it ourselves in the days before the celebration and left it as finished as it could be for the guests to admire, as though anyone really cares about a gingerbread house when there's cookies lying around!

Recently my life changed a bit, the life I had constructed was shaken a bit and a piece broke loose. I had to make some repairs and fix what I could, letting the other damage become part of the scenery and hopefully heal itself over time. It was a shame when the piece let go it took a little of me with it, a little that grew back over time and restored itself. I wish that could be avoided, but I let it happen - I had become to close to someone that just didn't fit in with the rest of me and when it was finally time to break free of each other I could help but feel a little lost. So I started to fix it and mend and move on past the destruction and re-build what I had, making room for whatever came next and ensuring I would leave enough space for someone new.

I wasn't ready for someone new right away, but I knew that it would happen and it would probably come when I wasn't looking and even if I wasn't ready I would have to be willing to bend a bit. So now that I've begun seeing someone and getting to know him I feel like the space I made may have been perfect for him. I wasn't ready at first, but knew that if I didn't at least try then I would be broken for far too long a time and this was all part of making things better.

I ran and spent time with friends and processed the break-up, finding what I didn't want in a relationship and what I needed to feel fulfilled. I figured it out and feel really happy to have met someone I share so much with and look forward to sharing so much more. It's nice to have that and know that there seems to be very little to compromise on and plenty more that fits so well, like puzzle pieces.

My sister's gingerbread house made it through her party, looking slightly bare and not quite as extravagant as other houses. Her own house looked amazing and the party helped to warm the space that was to become her family home. Things changed for her though and she left that house and her husband. She's also re-built though and it seems to be going along well and happy. Even when it all seems so together it can be falling apart on the inside. The house I had built for myself was sweet and whimsical, though it was in a dream and never really mine. When the dream ended and I woke up everything was different, everything had changed. The reality didn't match what I had seen in my head, but I could move on - I could wake up.

Music and cookies

I went to see a local band play this weekend. It was a pretty good party, though the warm up DJ seemed to be having more fun than the crowd. The band didn't start until three hours after doors opened. There were a lot of people disappointed. I figured it was fine, I showed up well after doors opened and still had to wait a longer time than I had anticipated. But I was up front and totally had a good time. I didn't feel like I needed to be anywhere else and just went with it, the waiting is part of the journey and the end result. I had gone by myself too so there was plenty of opportunity for unwanted attention from a rather drunk young man. I had planned on bringing a friend and wished I wasn't alone, but it was more than that. I feel like spending a lot of time with this person and try to make time for us to spend together, though sometimes work and other responsibilities cause us to delay those plans. Instead of getting upset about the attention I was having to deal with I just laughed and thought of the wanted attention I would get another day.

The music was an experience, everyone present participating and creating a moment in time when we all stood together.

I have some baking plans in mind too, I really want to make some gluten free treats for my roommate who is trying an elimination diet to see if he has a possible wheat allergy. I also like using the gluten free cookbook I have from a rather delicious bakery. They guarantee that if you follow the recipes you will have success, which is great because I'm still new at experimenting with the GF side of baking. It's good to diversify though and I want to get better at making delicious treats and being comfortable with all types of recipes.

Maybe I could have friends over for milk and cookies, sharing a treat and catching up. Listening to some music to make it all come together in a moment.