Re-building
The holidays are coming up, or rather, they are here. I guess thanksgiving already happened so all the other holidays are here too. And Hanukkah is, like, now...
A few years ago I visited my sister for Christmas and she was planning a house-warming holiday party and was trying to finish the gingerbread house she had made. The walls were up and the foundation seemed solid enough for what could be done with sugar, but the details were missing and the festive decorations that make a standard box a unique home to live and share memories in. Much like her own home, she had just finished remodeling it and put the final coat of paint on the walls just before I arrived, she was busy hanging pictures and placing finishing touches just before the party. Her house was built and ready to be filled with memories, plus she had a great canyon view.
I suggested leaving the gingerbread house unfinished, guests could decorate it at the party. It would be fun! We laughed at the idea of people toppling over it after a few glasses of wine and making the house more of a mess than "festive", so we worked on it ourselves in the days before the celebration and left it as finished as it could be for the guests to admire, as though anyone really cares about a gingerbread house when there's cookies lying around!
Recently my life changed a bit, the life I had constructed was shaken a bit and a piece broke loose. I had to make some repairs and fix what I could, letting the other damage become part of the scenery and hopefully heal itself over time. It was a shame when the piece let go it took a little of me with it, a little that grew back over time and restored itself. I wish that could be avoided, but I let it happen - I had become to close to someone that just didn't fit in with the rest of me and when it was finally time to break free of each other I could help but feel a little lost. So I started to fix it and mend and move on past the destruction and re-build what I had, making room for whatever came next and ensuring I would leave enough space for someone new.
I wasn't ready for someone new right away, but I knew that it would happen and it would probably come when I wasn't looking and even if I wasn't ready I would have to be willing to bend a bit. So now that I've begun seeing someone and getting to know him I feel like the space I made may have been perfect for him. I wasn't ready at first, but knew that if I didn't at least try then I would be broken for far too long a time and this was all part of making things better.
I ran and spent time with friends and processed the break-up, finding what I didn't want in a relationship and what I needed to feel fulfilled. I figured it out and feel really happy to have met someone I share so much with and look forward to sharing so much more. It's nice to have that and know that there seems to be very little to compromise on and plenty more that fits so well, like puzzle pieces.
My sister's gingerbread house made it through her party, looking slightly bare and not quite as extravagant as other houses. Her own house looked amazing and the party helped to warm the space that was to become her family home. Things changed for her though and she left that house and her husband. She's also re-built though and it seems to be going along well and happy. Even when it all seems so together it can be falling apart on the inside. The house I had built for myself was sweet and whimsical, though it was in a dream and never really mine. When the dream ended and I woke up everything was different, everything had changed. The reality didn't match what I had seen in my head, but I could move on - I could wake up.
A few years ago I visited my sister for Christmas and she was planning a house-warming holiday party and was trying to finish the gingerbread house she had made. The walls were up and the foundation seemed solid enough for what could be done with sugar, but the details were missing and the festive decorations that make a standard box a unique home to live and share memories in. Much like her own home, she had just finished remodeling it and put the final coat of paint on the walls just before I arrived, she was busy hanging pictures and placing finishing touches just before the party. Her house was built and ready to be filled with memories, plus she had a great canyon view.
I suggested leaving the gingerbread house unfinished, guests could decorate it at the party. It would be fun! We laughed at the idea of people toppling over it after a few glasses of wine and making the house more of a mess than "festive", so we worked on it ourselves in the days before the celebration and left it as finished as it could be for the guests to admire, as though anyone really cares about a gingerbread house when there's cookies lying around!
Recently my life changed a bit, the life I had constructed was shaken a bit and a piece broke loose. I had to make some repairs and fix what I could, letting the other damage become part of the scenery and hopefully heal itself over time. It was a shame when the piece let go it took a little of me with it, a little that grew back over time and restored itself. I wish that could be avoided, but I let it happen - I had become to close to someone that just didn't fit in with the rest of me and when it was finally time to break free of each other I could help but feel a little lost. So I started to fix it and mend and move on past the destruction and re-build what I had, making room for whatever came next and ensuring I would leave enough space for someone new.
I wasn't ready for someone new right away, but I knew that it would happen and it would probably come when I wasn't looking and even if I wasn't ready I would have to be willing to bend a bit. So now that I've begun seeing someone and getting to know him I feel like the space I made may have been perfect for him. I wasn't ready at first, but knew that if I didn't at least try then I would be broken for far too long a time and this was all part of making things better.
I ran and spent time with friends and processed the break-up, finding what I didn't want in a relationship and what I needed to feel fulfilled. I figured it out and feel really happy to have met someone I share so much with and look forward to sharing so much more. It's nice to have that and know that there seems to be very little to compromise on and plenty more that fits so well, like puzzle pieces.
My sister's gingerbread house made it through her party, looking slightly bare and not quite as extravagant as other houses. Her own house looked amazing and the party helped to warm the space that was to become her family home. Things changed for her though and she left that house and her husband. She's also re-built though and it seems to be going along well and happy. Even when it all seems so together it can be falling apart on the inside. The house I had built for myself was sweet and whimsical, though it was in a dream and never really mine. When the dream ended and I woke up everything was different, everything had changed. The reality didn't match what I had seen in my head, but I could move on - I could wake up.
posted by Sweet Sara at
9:01 AM
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