Vegan?

I'll try this out, posting for vegan mofo.

I've been vegan for a while and I like it, though I understand the fluidity of life and see that there could be a time in the future that I might not be as strictly vegan as I am today. That's kind of strange to think about though because I can't bring myself to eat certain things that would be in the realm of possibility, there are other things I won't eat purely based on the betterment of the planet and environment. Cows are bad for the environment when farmed in large populations, driving a car is better for the planet than eating a meat based diet. It's a fact and until this is reversed we should all curb our meat and dairy (?) consumption. Plus the dairy industry supports the veal industry, so to be politically correct you should also cut out dairy - some people talk a lot about animal cruelty and so on when discussing veal, but don't make the connection with where those little tender cows come from. Anyway, I like the way I eat and I might change it in the future because life changes and things are never black and white.

I'm friends with a guy that is younger and less experienced in life in general. He's vegan and new at it and asks me for advice. He likes to look to me for guidance and considers me a role model, which is weird. I don't feel comfortable with that all the time, I see myself as a fuck up a lot and it seems ridiculous for me to give advice. I don't know any better than you, do what makes you happy. I try to stress the importance of staying relaxed in the whole thing, coming from a perspective of disordered eating I can see how rigidity and restrictive diets can lead to dangerous territory. He being a guy and not really in tune with eating disorders didn't get that people, girls especially, can get wrapped up in what they eat and how much to a point of total confusion and the detriment of health. We talked about it and I tried to let him know as much as he needed without giving too much of my own disorder and struggles, some things are too personal I suppose - I mean we're friends, but not that close. He's young too, hopefully life will treat him nice and he'll be able to gain a little more perspective as he grows into a man and I'll be there to help because we need more good men who understand that life can be fucked up and people experience life in different ways. We all have a path, I'm glad he trusts me and wants to hear what I have to say though.

Recently a relationship ended, he broke up with me. I knew it was coming though and wasn't surprised when I brought up our relationship to check in and found out he wasn't that into it, the next day he emailed me to let me know he was seeing someone else. I had already walked away from him emotionally though so this didn't affect me as badly as it could have and I ended up kind of numb for a while. I bought an onyx ring, I had been wanting a new ring since my favorite ring had broken a few months back. The woman I bought it from told me it would bring me luck and I was sold, I had been sort of indecisive and needed the extra push from her. I usually hate being sold stuff and like to make up my own mind without some cloud of bullshit. I looked up what properties onyx has and found it can be good for getting rid of relationships or other hang-ups. Perfect. It sort of worked too, I'm moving forward and getting things sorted, I just have to leave it though because there won't be any answers or closure from him.

I get so sad though, there's so much comfort in sleeping with my stuffed animal. It's a stuffed poodle, her name is Fi Fi Le Femme and I got her the day I was born. She's been there through everything with me. She's also vegan.