Coming Out

I'm Coming Out today and letting the world know who I really am. I'm pretty boring, though I have a difficult past that I'm trying to overcome just like everyone else. I have a lot of baggage and I feel it could be time to leave some of it behind as I move forward. I just got out of a relationship. That was a big deal, to even be in a relationship. The guy found someone else and moved on, leaving me a little unbalanced even though I had suspicions of this sort of thing coming. I still felt a little out of sorts and I'm trying to grasp at a solid footing to be able to move on, without scars or negative feelings toward the man that taught me a lot about myself and let me find a voice to ask for what I need and want in an adult relationship. I'm walking away from the experience owning more than when I walked in and know myself much more than before, he can't take that away and I'm happy to know that there are good relationships to be had.

I'm coming out as a survivor and a strong individual that can admit to a past of domestic violence and face my abuser, getting over the fact that he had used his power over me to control and manipulate me into becoming something less than. He felt threatened in his ability to be a man and used that self-hatred to make me weaker than him, he pushed me down to draw himself up. That was in the past though, he has moved on and away from our relationship. He's chosen to exclude me from his life and seems a happier person, even though he's unable to actually face me and rebuild a relationship that could be beneficial to both of us. He's my father, but no longer my dad and even now seems more of a stranger. He's happy with that and I can be happy knowing I tried to reconnect and have let go of the pain he caused. I can work on the emotional scars he's left me with and truly move past him, sad he'll never know me as I become the adult he had hoped me to be long before our relationship turned. I know he's better off now though and he is in a better place, though I'm not sure if he'll ever be truly happy.

I'm coming out as a deserving and beautiful individual, worthwhile and fantastic in my own special way. Whatever happens I have friends and family that love me, care for, and will cover a house in toilet paper if needed. All I have to do is ask. I know things will get better and I know things are pretty sad right now, but that will end because it always does. Without the sorrow and pain true happiness could never be known. We need both to feel what it means to love and be too excited for words, the pain makes the pleasure that much more knowable and the two can never be separated. Besides, the pain is the pleasure sometimes.