May Day - the big and the small

May Day Blue Scholars, a response to gun violence.

My city is gray. My city has rain and clouds that look as though cotton balls have been dragged behind a truck. My city is green and every cloud has a silver lining.

Since the beginning of this year the Northwest has had lower temperatures than normal while the rest of the country roasts. It's too bad we don't have quite as many sunny days as we would in an average spring, but the alternative wouldn't be as enjoyable either. And in the city where I live gun violence is at an unusually high rate as well, when compared to statistics from last year. A recent shooting involved a mentally unstable man and a community of artists and friends. This wasn't any more tragic than any other death, but it seemed to push facts into a harsh light - gun violence is up.

The response from this particular tragedy was one that could only come from the unique and strange community that lost two of it's own. A memorial was held with a jazz funeral procession, heartache and tears, a moment of silence for the fallen, and celebration of what is yet to come. Music, theatre, and circus combined in this moment and a community vowed to never let such violence to happen again.

But how?

I love living here, I love the creativity that comes through every act and the small town feel while walking down the street. It's easy to ignore the big city problems and see only what you want to see - an emerald city by the sea. Perhaps we can take a step back and find a way to reach out to save ourselves.

The bigness of this issue overshadows my own small problems, though there are times I feel myself slipping below the crashing waves. I only have to take a walk around my neighborhood to know how lucky I am, how bad it could be if I really let it. My heart is breaking, over and over again it seems and I'm unsure of the things that are in store for me. I do know that I'm taking the right steps, one foot in front of the other toward a better tomorrow. Small as I might be I forget how big I really am, the problems I face are what is in fact small. I feel writing here is more comfortable than in my journal for now, but soon I'd like to be able to write more freely again. I can be impersonal here, but my journal seems to demand all the details and I'm unable to hide the truth or draw a dark curtain over details I find unpleasant. These are such small things while the whole world catches on fire.

In my heart of hearts I know things will work out, love will set us free. And we must trust ourselves as we move forward to heal, one step at a time until we reach the sea.

Vegan Month of Food - New Friends, Old Friends

A few friends are moving away and I was thinking that maybe it is that time of our lives, or just life in general, when it makes the most sense to move back closer to home.

It's where they would like to settle down and begin a more stable phase of growing up, maybe we already grew up though. They want to be near to those that love and support them the most, but I can't help thinking about what that means for me. These are a few really close friends that have become my support. When they leave it'll feel really lonely around here, I won't have as many opportunities to see them in person and it'll be sad that they'll be so far away. Though it won't be that different, we all have such busy lives it's hard to spend much time together anyway. So we'll be more like pen pals and visits will be planned a little farther in advance. I understand their need to go back home and hope things work out for the best. Part of me also feels that someday we'll live in the same city again, or we'll get better at being long-distance friends. I will also need to think about my own support network and how it will change once they move.

Losing these friends will be hard, they're nice to have around and I worry that with distance we will lose touch as well. I hate to lose them all together, but I also have to think of ways to fill the void they will leave in their place. New friends are hard to make in this city. We set up a lot of boundaries and come off as cold, it's just so hard to break in when you're starting over. The cliques that we formed in high school are still in force, it's so strange to see this and have to deal with it in social situations as an adult. Maybe it's the rain? So I'll work on friendships and hope to find a closer friend in the general pool of acquaintances. I'll have fun, it's like dating!

One friend I'm getting closer to went out with me with a few others to a concert, somehow I ended up needing to leave before the headliner. I was really sleepy. We all left in search of tacos together, the plan was to go to a restaurant nearby. That was changed to getting into a cab and driving really far away to a different restaurant for nachos. I think I could have ordered a salad there, but I was more into drinking water and trying to keep up with the conversation. Not a very vegan friendly bar, thus this post has nothing to do with vegan food other than the fact I wish we had gone somewhere I could have eaten. A great night though, well on my way to finding anew best friend!

Vegan Month of Food - Options for a Luna Bar Addiction

A while back I found myself eating way too many Luna Bars, impossible as that sounds...

I like to eat as many whole foods as possible, limiting my sugar and salt consumption while also cooking more and spending less. It was great to get so much nutrition from one snack though and I wanted to find something that I could make myself that had similar values of micro and macro nutrients, without too much of the bad stuff. I took to the internet and remembered a muffin recipe that would be perfect for filling the void of Luna in my daily food intake, but I decided to add some chocolate chips because that's what I liked so much about Luna Bar. A spoonful of sugar and all that, really does help make my super nutritious snack less nutritious and yummier. It's more fun this way, believe me. So I've been making muffins and adding chocolate chips, I added white chocolate chips once to try to make it more like carrot cake. It worked that way, but I like dark chocolate more and couldn't justify the price of vegan white chocolate chips. I might try it again sometime for variety though.

Now Luna has a coconut bar out that is really tasty, and they were on sale at the store the other day. I bought a box because I haven't had time to bake and need an afternoon snack when I'm at work. I'm basically a three year old. I would take a nap too, but I don't have time for that. I'll be eating Luna Bars happily for a bit, I should be able to bake a batch of muffins soon though. Maybe I'll incorporate coconut into the recipe and replicate the delicious new flavor that may have me falling off the wagon. It's a slippery slope, but one that I don't feel too bad about. I just need to get back to baking, I've been away from it for a bit since getting back from my trip. It's something that I enjoy though and should do more often.

Vegan Month of Food - Popcorn and Breakfast

Day 3

Popcorn with nutritional yeast! The best and so yummy!

Day 4

Breakfast, savory style. Some leftover vegetable and tomato sauce on a english muffin, with a little Earth Balance. It was really good and I never eat breakfast because I'm too rushed to get to work, so I'm trying to make more time for this.

With coffee!

I really want to post every day for this, but it looks like it's already turning out to be every other day. I hardly have time to write, I'm heading out to a soccer match. Duh, it's called football anywhere else. I'm also doing a lot of meal planning and I really want to make a dish with black eyed peas that's simple using ingredients I already have. That might be tough, the cupboards are a bit bare. I haven't had time to really think through the grocery list, that's what meal planning is about though and hopefully I will get going on that.

Vegan Month of Food - two in one

Day 1

Pancakes for breakfast! I went out last night with a friend and drank too much vodka and did not feel that well this morning so I made a really nice breakfast to hopefully scare away the awful hangover. It sort of worked. The pancakes and coffee were delicious regardless.

Pancakes with fresh raspberries and maple syrup with Earth Balance buttery spread, my roommate got the whipped kind. And the recipe is super easy to fallow - 1 cup flour, 1 tsp salt, 2 tsp sugar, 2 tsp baking powder, and 1 cup milk. I like using whole wheat flour and almond milk.

I also made spring rolls. I was traveling in September and haven't been able to go food shopping really so this was a pretty basic meal idea. I had a few sheets of wrappers left and then used shredded zucchini and carrot as the filling with fake chicken strips for protein. The method I use is to place one sheet on a plate and pour boiling water on top to soften it and then assemble the spring roll on a large cutting board. Sometimes the sheets are cracked, which makes it hard to get the perfect roll.

filling heated up with some sriracha sauce, Bragg's, and a bit of maple syrup

All rolled up, the filling was pretty saucy so I just ate them as is. Sweet chili sauce would be good with these too, I might not do the filling the same again though. It was sort of messy with a little too much liquid and a few tears in the wrapper, but really good anyway.

Day 2

I used up the rest of the pancake batter for Sunday morning breakfast, I didn't have anymore fresh raspberries so I used frozen raspberries. Here they are cooking up.

Plated up with maple syrup and Earth Balance, I really need to buy some of my own and not use my roommate's. We share though, I only want to make sure we have some more in the house in case we need more. I don't think there will be a buttery spread emergency anytime soon though, I think I can wait a little while longer before going back to the grocery store.

Palestine, this happened - I was there!

I really was, it feels like it almost didn't happen though. Like the last time I went to the Middle East for two months, this seemed like a dream and an eternity at once. I was only gone for two weeks, but a lot happened. I wish I had more free time though. I travelled to Beit Sahour to volunteer with Paidia, an organization that runs day camps for kids. They have a ropes course and climbing wall, my first day of work involved drilling some boards onto the wall in the blazing sun. We weren't too successful though, I broke two drill bits and we had faced other problems through the morning that made working on the wall any further impossible. So we chipped paint off the front gate, that was what ended up being our project for the rest of my stay and we were able to finish by painting it Palestine-green on the last day. There were some injuries and a lot of swearing, my hands ached for a few days after I came home too. I made a difference though and I'm proud of the work we got done, even if I wasn't able to work with kids at all. I did make a connection and hopefully we'll be able to connect kids in Seattle with kids in Bethlehem. Again, something to be excited for and a future project.

I walked around a lot too, I saw some really old shit and took pictures and had a great time with the other volunteers I was working with. We went through checkpoints a couple of times, for us it was easy and a part of our exotic travels. I can only imagine what a pain and inconvenience the barricade is to people working and living with a divider between the two. How can this help negotiations? How can this lead to peace?

I made it home with trinkets and memories, evidence that I was there and proof to show my parents that even though the news shows a scary reality the place is actually pretty rad. I never felt threatend or expereinced the violence I had read about, though we will see what happens now after the UN bid. I saw families shopping in the markets and taxi drivers making a living, sharing their stories as they drove me home. People live and thrive despite the chaos that sometimes envelopes us all, we manage to raise families and grow old under Jasmin blooms. I'll miss the howling winds in Beit Sahour and the comforting call to prayer that drifted in through my open bedroom window, reminding me that life continues and even when I'm gone this place will still exist. Palestine does exist, I saw it and saw the pride that came with the possibility of a recognized Palestinian state. With hope we will be able to finish the thought of if Palestine were a state...

While living at the volunteer house in Palestine I was able to cook and was so happy! We had really basic ingredients and my housemate had no kitchen skills, though we were still able to eat amazing food. I thought up a few simple meals based around pasta, lentils, and fresh vegetables. There was a vegetable souq near to where we worked and had amazing produce for so cheap! I don't know if it was organic or fair trade, but I was happy to be able to create such good simple food while I was travelling. My housemate really liked what I made too and helped with dishes, declaring that she would have to marry a chef in order to continue eating so well. I loved her praise and hope when I recreate those meals they retain a fraction of their magic.

One of the first meals I planned to cook once I returned was an eggplant and tomato sauce, either with lingini or gnochi. I'm changing it a bit to use tomoato sauce rather than fresh tomatoes and also including carrots and zucchin for more vegetables. I've had a lot of food that I prepared and froze before I left, making it simple to feed myself while I hid out the first couple days back in town. Re-entry is a bitch, culture shock and time zone changes can take awhile to get over. I'm ready to make something though!

Maybe not as good as I remember...

DADT Repeal

As we get closer to the reapeal of a policy that is destructive on a personal level as well as organizational I found a letter from a soldier posted on Jezebel.

www.jezebel.com/5713948/a-gay-soldiers-letter-before-leaving-for-afghanistan

It's a good reminder of who this policy affects and what it would mean to repeal it. The arguments that repeal DADT will weaken our military endeavors at this specific time are only arguments for continued discrimination. What are we afraid of?