Balance the Control

Control the balance.

I took a trip through the mystic recently, determined to find an answer. I usually let it all come to me, washing over my mind to clarify all that seems to be a tangled mess. It's nice to step back though and look for yourself, actually seeking out the signs that could realign my mixed up mind. What I found was strange and slightly different from the norm. The cards read that I had come through an awakening and now was the time to take things into my own two hands. If I let things go and let the universe take control I would lose it all and end up in some such hazard.

The fool dancing right off the cliff with a little dog too.

There are times I can't take it and feel waves crashing over my head, water seeping in and around me. A panic sets in and suddenly I am drowning while standing on dry ground. I'm taking too much on and thus feel overwhelmed, but what else am I doing with my time? Filling up every possible moment so that I am forced to manage. Time. Management was never a strength, though I always got things done. I often allowed a touch of panic in, urgency and impending doom painted across my face until the task was complete.

Why was it so hard to let go and take the easy way, to be happy.

So I learned to take cues from nature and the divine universe that folded in and around me, taking not of the every day signs that could help make this journey less stressful and more fun. My mind reset and life was reassessed. Friends were shed and new connections made on more solid ground, terms that were important and sound.

Now, one more step to take me forward. I've been relying on this great Earth to carry me on, but that could be dangerous in the coming future. It's up to me to take the lead, slowly. With each breath I take the problems and the responsibility get a little smaller and manageable. Which makes me so happy.

It's Spring and I am looking forward to the nicer weather, a little gentler than the raggy winter. Always a bit softer here than anywhere else. Seeming to bring hope with a cracked sky and clearing of clouds over the Sound. The sound of the Northwest beating out a rhythm to make our feet dance. Music to my ears. Music is the way of the way to my happy, dancing heart.

Love it.

Lots of live shows on the list to come, this weekend will be fun. The last show I went to was a mix of FEELINGS. Wanting to go so bad and dressing it up to make my heart a little lighter. I found a corner where I would not be found and danced a quiet dance and hoped to be free of a memory far too old to still be haunting the hallways of this broken house. And in the end I left without even a sighting and had to laugh at what worried me so. The real dread is that I don't want to let go, hoping to see the one I lost and find the love I gave away. I learned that it's not quite so and to live as I had before, dancing to the music that has been mine all along. And last night I danced some more, running into a co-worker and finding a connection between us beyond the factory.

I'm also trying to take control of the acne that is exploding across my face, such a battle so late in my adolescence.